(June 12, 2012) – Pardon me for this brief interruption. I just have to ask a question. Who is Timorie from Cinderella Cakes who helped Heather Dubrow design a cake for her naming party? She has to be the same woman, formerly identified as Timree, who helped lead Heather’s painting party earlier this season; no? Not that I really care, but it seems like such an unusual name, regardless of how it is spelled. Okay back to what really matters…
Vicki Gunvalson and her quest to build a better man
Sue her. Vicki Gunvalson doesn’t care what you or I or her children think. She’s having Brooks’ teeth fixed. In her words she’s “putting Humpty Dumpty back together again” because she’s “finally” found a good man. (Sorry Donn. You seemed pretty decent to me). She wants people to be happy about it, rather than think she’s a dumb woman being taken advantage of by an opportunist.
Alexis Bellino’s quest to juggle it all (despite her jealous colleagues and controlling husband)
Alexis has been home for a couple of days now. Understandably she’s still reeling from her kangaroo court trial, when she was verbally attacked on camera in Costa Rica by her Reality TV colleagues. Thankfully she has her Fox-5 San Diego gig to distract her.
I know I am overly sympathetic to Alexis. I just feel for this woman. She’s not supposed to have any colleagues whatsoever. She’s supposed to have her priorities in a clear rank: God first, husband second, children third. In fact she also has two other obligations: jobs on two different television shows.
While Alexis didn’t fare so well on her Reality TV gig in Costa Rica last week, I thought she was great this week playing the lifestyle reporter on a morning chat show, interviewing a stylist about resortwear. After her training with her media coach, Alexis seems much more natural on camera.
Heather and her quest to employ everyone in Orange County with a name that sounds like Timree
The best part of this scene was the cake decorator giving her two cake options: one that focuses on her monogram and another that suggests a mad hatter theme. Instantly Taylor Armstrong and Bravo’s regurgitated ideas come to mind. I am relieved that Heather chose the monogram option, though I must admit I am somewhere turned off by the additional suggestion that they add edible diamonds to the monogram look.
Gretchen Rossi’s quest to further humiliate Slade
Gretchen “accidentally” discovered a curious text to Newport Jewelers on Slade’s phone. Her first instinct seems to be to call her father who rides bikes with Slade every Saturday. She tells him the text freaked her out a little. She doesn’t want to get married before Slade works out his financial problems. Her father says he thinks Slade may be planning on a proposal.
Later Gretchen aggressively confronts Slade about contacting a jeweler. Provocatively, she wants to know if he is planning on proposing to her because she thought they had an understanding they couldn’t move to the next level until he took care of his child support debt. She’s very aggressive in telling him he shouldn’t be talking to other people about their marrying until he deals with his problems. She wants his debt gone before they marry.
He claims he’s doing everything he can to deal with that. He claims he has “how many” jobs? Plus he’s assisting her. I read somewhere that Slade recently found a radio gig. What is none of my business, though I’d still love to know is what are his other jobs?
Like a castrating shrew, she shouts him down, assuring him that if they break up tomorrow he will have nothing! Nothing! What’s more she doesn’t want his help. In my 40-something years on this planet, I have never met a man who could survive this kind of dressing down. I’m beginning to think Slade needs an underground, battered man railroad to help him escape Gretchen (whom I am tempted to call Mr. Rossi, but I know that is terribly rude and I am embarrassed for not deleting that horrendous slur).
Gretchen wants to have babies with a man who is not in deep debt. That is definitely fair. She should go make that happen and leave this poor battered man alone.What she doesn’t want is to hear what everyone has to say about his being incapable of paying enough child support to care for his first child. She thinks they’re on a different page.
He wants to let her know that she means more to him than a girlfriend. Gretchen seems like a fake cryer. She dabs her eyes, yet her make-up doesn’t move. He wants to know what she’d say if he proposed. She doesn’t know if being married right now is right for them. I can answer that one which is odd considering I don’t know them. Marriage would be a disaster for both of them, especially for Slade who I personally think he should run for his. Not because she’s a nightmare (she is), but because he’s too broken to build himself up under the thumb of a heartless woman who seems hellbent on crushing him in public.
Tamra Barney and her quest for that ring
After Tamra returns from Costa Rica, she and Eddie get together for dinner. Her memory of the trip doesn’t jibe with mine, but let’s face it: I wasn’t there. What do I know other than what I saw on camera?
She says Heather wanted to use the trip to stage an intervention with Alexis about being phony. (Not my memory). She says that she and Alexis got into it “a little bit.” (Again not my memory. I recall a scream fest, but I know I am overly sensitive to shouting).
Eddie wants us to believe he’s booked them on a surprise trip without her knowledge. (Either he’s fibbing and did ask her to go before Bravo’s camera’s arrived, or she does not have any custody of her young children. Or doesn’t care what works with her schedule). They’re leaving next week for, drumroll… Bora Bora. She’s thrilled, which makes me think she agreed to all of this long before Bravo’s camera crew showed up in that bar/restaurant.
From the moment she gets in the car to the airport en route to Bora Bora, Tamra is anticipating a proposal. On board the flight that undoubtedly Bravo paid for, the corks are popping and Gretchen is waiting to hear Eddie pop the question at any moment. Always negative, she doesn’t want him to propose on the plane and she thinks it is torture when he doesn’t.
Suddenly they land in gorgeous Bora Bora. They’re welcomed into a Four Seasons Resort and instantly Eddie offers her a gift, but not a ring. They’re welcome into their palm-thatched bungalow above the water. Tamra doesn’t think she deserves it. Eddie tells her never to say that again. He sounds awfully similar to Simon who we see again in a montage scolding her about what she said during their marriage that he didn’t like. Romantically, they jump off the dock, into the crystal clear tropical green water where Tamra takes off her coconut shelled bikini top.
When they arrive at a dinner table at sunset on the beach, Eddie thinks it’s paradise, “the most beautiful place on earth.” She barely sees anything; she’s wearing her “proposal face.” Eddie wants to travel the world and wants to know if she’s game for the adventure. She is. The scene is set. The sky is a fiery red. The tikis and candles are lit. Eddie is in “heaven,” but Tamra can’t enjoy it. She’s anticipating a proposal and tells us she cannot relax until she figures out where the ring is.
Tamra wants to know when they will move in together. She says she doesn’t see doing that until there is a ring on her finger. He says he’s not that traditional. She’s deflated. She want to go back to the room. Appearing oblivious to her angst, he readily agrees to head back to the bungalow, but continues eating his steak.
The following morning, Tamra decides she is going to relax. If he proposes now, great. If not, there is always tomorrow. Off they go scuba diving. It’s truly gorgeous down there. The lagoon reminds me of the Great Barrier Reef off Australia’s Lizard Island.
Together they collect a sack of clams. When they return to shore, Tamra opens two shells. the fist is just a clam. The second holds the engagement ring she’s been angling for. She knew it was coming. I think the whole Tamra engagement story was staged from beginning to end. It’s still cute. As much as I don’t like her, I’m a sucker for proposals and that staged clam shell scene made me smile.
Speaking of smiles, Brooks now has a new one, thanks to Vicki. I am happy for him, and for her. She doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks and I don’t blame her. She wanted to improve her boyfriend’s teeth and she succeeded. And I can’t help but realize that when you weigh the worth of an engagement ring for a woman who’s already been married twice and a decent set of teeth for a man who was missing at least one, Brooks won that race. Still I am equally happy for both of them.
All photos are courtesy of BravoTV.com, unless otherwise indicated.
About the Author (Author Profile)
I am a New York City publicist who specializes in promoting luxury products and experiences and occasionally moonlight as a journalist.
Relatively new to the world of blogging, I have watched and enjoyed Bravo’s Housewives shows since the first season of the Real Housewives of Orange County. I created this blog over the 4th of July holiday of 2011 because I enjoy writing and love to figure out how to blend images and words to create something that is both visually compelling and interesting to read.