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Oh No Black Water

Regina | July 17, 2012 | 13 Comments More

(July 17, 2012) – If it is true, as Chris Laurita said last Sunday, that he and his wife are “all in” in blk, I worry about this couple and anyone else who has invested a significant amount of time or money in their novelty water pipe dream.

I don’t say that casually without some knowledge of their fulvic acid-rich drink. Months ago when I saw it in a Wegman’s grocery store, I bought three bottles for $6. I think they were 16 oz. each which makes them pricy, especially when it’s not sold as an ice cold solution to a steaming hot day.

Some people who have tried it say it has a slight metallic taste. That was not my experience. I think it was almost exactly what water should be: clean, refreshing and wet.

Two tasters and I took a few swigs, admitted it “wasn’t bad” and put it back in the fridge, assuming we’d have more later. That was months ago and we never took another sip, even when there was nothing else to drink. We simply could not get over the fact that it was dark and murky looking. A few days ago – months after they were purchased – I tossed all three half-full bottles, knowing there was no possibility anyone would ever drink them because blk is not visually appealing on any level.

Being the Mistress of the Obvious, I mention this because watching Chris drive down to DC’s Fancy Food Show, I could see, hear and feel his anxiety. That man is a nervous wreck. Like all of us, I am sure he has lots of problems, some of which are being played out on the Real Housewives of New Jersey and others that he and his wife Jacqueline Laurita are hiding from Bravo’s cameras. I suspect the least of those is the fact that his ne’er-do-well nephews and their fried Greggy Bennett haven’t the first clue how to put in a honest day’s work, promoting his business or doing anything else.

For all of their sake, I hope the blk storyline is manufactured for Reality TV. I hope none of these people has invested a second or a penny in trying to make root beer-colored water anything more than a drink appropriate for a Halloween party gag gift or Marilyn Manson‘s dressing room rider demands. If this family’s financial health is dependent on this water to the extent that Chris suggested, they’re going to have to file personal bankruptcy, regardless of whether Patti LaBelle says, “it’s good” on camera, or if Greggy convincingly says it’s an effective hangover remedy.

The photo is courtesy of BravoTV.com

Tags: , ,

Category: Chris Laurita, Real Housewives of New Jersey

About the Author (Author Profile)

I am a New York City publicist who specializes in promoting luxury products and experiences and occasionally moonlight as a journalist.

Relatively new to the world of blogging, I have watched and enjoyed Bravo’s Housewives shows since the first season of the Real Housewives of Orange County. I created this blog over the 4th of July holiday of 2011 because I enjoy writing and love to figure out how to blend images and words to create something that is both visually compelling and interesting to read.

  • MaggieG

    You’re the only person I’ve heard say they’ve tried blk.  Can’t say I’ve noticed the product anywhere I shop or that I’d be curious enough to try it at that price.  I think it sounds fun as a Halloween drink…you’ve found its niche.

    It’s said that “the boys” (including Greggy)  went into savings to buy shares & I predict that in their vision of a successful business model they expect that to be the extent of their involvement (plus using their Bravo platform).  I seriously doubt that they understand hard work.  I also wish Chris Laurita good luck in this enterprise (or, better yet, hope that your suspicion that this story line has been exaggerated for Bravo & not everything is riding on its success).

    Thanks Priscilla.

    • Anonymous

       As we all know, all successful products must deliver a solution to a problem we either know we have or didn’t imagine we had. Murky water doesn’t fit that in any way. Neither would clear, colorless orange juice.

      No one on earth has ever said, “I like water, but it bothers me that it’s not the color of root beer.”

      • DinahFromCarolina

        On the nose prisilla – a product has to solve a problem we know we have or one we don’t. W regard to beverages, think Vitamin Water and other “electrolyte enhanced” drinks. Their success was made by not only showing us why we needed these “enhancements” but also by making them appealing to the eye. the look & smell are often as important as the taste when it comes to food and drink. Thanks for focusing me on the “solving a problem we know we have or one we don’t”. I need that particular focus this morning,

        • Priscilla

          Thanks Dinah! I feel a kinship to you as a result of our rhyming names. :D Though I must confess I am not from Alaska, ans shamefully have never even been there.

          You’re right: smell and look are way more important than taste. In fact I’ve heard that we taste by smelling. I am not sure if that is true, but I suspect it is and simultaneously suspect it is not because I love broccoli but hate the way it smells.

          Dare I ask what you’re working on? I have a feeling it’s fascinating.

  • FireFly

    Just the possibility of my teeth turning black would keep me away from this product.  And . . . their advertisment of “Blk’s proprietary blend of fulvic acid mined from a 70 million year old source deep within the earth” is REALLY creepy!

    • Anonymous

      You know, you’re right. I never thought about that. But I did think about the word “fulvic.” But that could just be that I am very verbal and work with unabashed perverts who are just learning English. :D They’d have a field day with “fulvic.”

  • http://twitter.com/kreim karen

    I can not drink or eat anything that is not appealing to the eye. If water looks like muddy water, I would not be able to drink it. 

    • Anonymous

       I’m with you. They say aroma is more than half of how we perceive taste. For me, the visual is at least half of it. Still I’ll try almost anything, just out of curiosity. Blk tastes EXACTLY like water. Still it sat in my fridge for longer than I care to admit.

      Even when I was thirsty and had no other options, I didn’t drink it. It’s just fugly.

  • CalifSteve

    I hope its a manufactured storyline as well. If its not and they ended up putting all their eggs in this BLK basket then they are idiots!

    Regina you know more about this then I, but a successful product relies on good marketing and branding. This is more important then the product itself. A Bravo TV platform isn’t enough for BLK.

     

    • Anonymous

       Hi Steve,

      I don’t think anything is enough for BLK, short of the surgeon general declaring it is the cure for cancer. I say that because it’s expensive, visually unappealing and is in an extraordinarily competitive market that’s dominated by HUGE beverage companies.

       That Brownstone marinara could be successful though because it’s cheap to produce, has a long shelf life and has natural credibility as a result of this cast’s obsession with food and Italian-American heritage. However, the label is very unappealing.

      I hear from the grapevine that the Mom Wives are about to come out with their own sauce. Someone asked me to represent it. While I have no doubt the sauce is delicious, I just can’t be involved with those women. What little I saw of them truly scared me. :D

      • Dsc60

        However, I heard that the Brownstone sauce is very expensive.  Around $8.00 a jar.  In this economy?  In any economy, that’s a LOT of money.

        • Anonymous

          It is a lot. I heard from someone who makes LOTS of sauce that there are two strategies: 1) price the sauce high, literally he said $8 a jar and make dollars per case, knowing you won’t sell it quickly; or 2) price it at $2.99 per jar and make pennies per case very quickly.

          With his own sauce he went for pennies because no one has ever heard of him, though what he makes is very very good. With famous people for whom he also makes sauce he recommends higher quality ingredients (like imported Italian tomatoes) at $8 per jar, but cautions that that the dollars trickle in far more slowly.

          Regardless it’s a very tough business because it can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars just to get shelf space in a big grocery store chain.

      • CaliSteve

         Smart move Regina!

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